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Many people think that they’re living in the present moment, but if
you really stop to think…are they? Are you? What can you do to make sure
that you’re present? Here are some simple tips to get you in the
moment…and get you living better because of it!

First, try this. Pick a present moment and describe it. Describe
everything about it. How does the air feel? Is there a certain
smell in the air? How do your clothes feel as they touch each part
of your body? Do you taste anything? What do you see? Notice
everything that you’re aware of. Begin every sentence with: ‘Right
now…’ or ‘At this moment…’ or ‘Here and now…’.

Sometimes, you can have resistances to this exercise. So just notice
and write down any difficulties or resistances that may arise. Be
AWARE of these issues and put them aside. Now, transfer this
exercise to…exercising! Think about your resistances to exercise,
get in the present, and describe how you feel!

If you don’t know where to start, use these questions. Why did you
start the exercise when you did? Were you tired? Angry? Did you go
blank while doing it? Did you daydream or wander off? How long was
it before your mind wandered off?

Now what do you do to get back on track? The first thing that I like
to do is use “stop thoughts.” When you’re having a negative or self-
destructive thought, just tell yourself to STOP! Like Jen says,
throw those negative thoughts into a mental blender and scramble them
up! Sometimes I even write the thoughts in a journal and “capture”
them in the closed book. Whatever helps you to move past these
thoughts, do it! Get rid of them and move forward immediately. Get
in the present and create the life that you want. Think of it like
this…an hour from now is only a fantasy. And an hour ago is only a
memory. The present is what you have to create now. Do it!

IMPORTANT: When you do this “getting present” exercise, you don’t
have to do this sitting still. Do it at ANY time! If you think
about it while taking a walk or even doing the dishes – DO IT! The
more practice you get at being present, the better!

BREATHE…CONNECT…FEEL the present moment! Anxiety is usually
about tomorrow. But things feelings such as boredom, impatience, and annoyance
can cause anxiety because you’re preventing a full experience.
Always acknowledge these feelings and the STOP them…and move on! I
know it sounds basic, but it really is that simple! The only thing
you can control is your own thoughts and reactions, so get to it!

To re-acquire the full feeling of PRESENCE is an experience of
tremendous impact. And you will definitely know it when you get
there. Don’t fear it…just BE with it. The present is your present!

Negotiation skills are not only important in the business sector, they are also important in our social lives perhaps for deciding a time to meet, or where to go on a rainy day, etc. It is usually considered as a compromise to settle an argument or an issue to benefit ourselves as much as possible.

Be as creative as possible

Brainstorming, listening to outlandish proposals and opening up to unanticipated possibilities make negotiation skills more effective. If we were to respond with new ideas and do the unexpected, this would open doors to far greater gains than when we behave predictably. Creativity can make just about everyone look good.

Be conscious

Consciousness of the difference between positions and interests is among the most important negotiation skills. Great negotiators are people who can figure out why they want something – and why the other party wants their outcome – that is what looking at interest is. These interests are what lasting agreements are made of. 

Always be fair

If the party you are negotiating with feel a process is fair, they’re more likely to make real commitments. They are also less likely to walk away from the negotiations or agreement reached. To make sure there is fairness, sometimes the two teams are helped when a neutral, external authority or mediator.  

Listen actively

One of the bad negotiation skills is spending all of your listening time planning how to get back at the other party. This means when they finally stop talking, you have not heard them. It is a good negotiation skill to focus on what others say, both on their words and their underlying meaning because this will help you understand the interests upon which agreement can be based.

BATNA 

BATNA stands for the Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement and it simply means that if you can improve things on your own, you don’t need to negotiate. However, BATNA is not your bottom line and is only a measure of the relative value of negotiating a particular issue with a particular party, or whether you can fall back on a better alternative.

Commitment

Never make a commitment unless you can fulfill it – this is one of the most undervalued negotiation skills although it is important. You should note that commitment is not likely if one party feels that the process has not been fair.

When you negotiate, do you use ‘if’ to make your offerings conditional? During negotiations, the word ‘if’ is used as a conditional phrase that serves as a prelude for that which follows. It allows you to make an offer and not be committed to delivering the covenants of the offer, if the other negotiator doesn’t meet the condition(s) set forth by your ‘if’ inquiry. If you wish to negotiate successfully, you have to preface some offers and most counteroffers with the word, ‘if’.

The following are seven ways you can use ‘if’ to negotiate more successfully.

1. You should use ‘if’ when you wish to extend a conditional offer to the other negotiator (e.g. If I add this to the deal, will that be enough to meet your needs?). If the other negotiator says no, you’re not obligated to meet his needs with the offer extended to him.

2. ‘If’ can also be used as a transitional strategy (e.g. You bring up a good point and if we can agree on ‘point B’, then we can address ‘point A’.)

3. You can use ‘if’ as a ‘block and bridge’ strategy (e.g. If ‘point A’ is true (block), then it reasons that ‘point B’ has validity (bridge)). In this case, you would then begin to discuss ‘point B’, which should be more advantageous to your position.

4. Use ‘if’ as a harbinger of things to come. Depending on the point you wish to stress and the position you’ve adopted, ‘if’ can be used as a subliminal precursor (e.g. If we adopt your position, do you really think it’s going to be beneficial?).

5. ‘If’ can be used as an image enhancer or image detractor (e.g. If we consummate the proposed deal, you’ll save a few hundred thousand dollars and become a hero in your organization.)

6. Use ‘if’ with ‘but’. ‘But’ is a delimiter that negates what comes before it. (e.g. Your point is good, but if we adopt the second point, the outcome will be more favorable.)

7. “If’s” can be used in a ‘nested’ manner, when you wish to connect several points together, while not committing to the outcome unless the other negotiator agrees to all of the conditions (e.g. If we adopt ‘point A’ and if we adopt ‘point B’ or ‘point C’, I think we can conclude this deal successfully.)

To use ‘if’ successfully, do so with precision and incisiveness. Remember, ‘if’ can be used to ‘heat’ up, or ‘cool’ down a negotiation. Be perceptive to the psychological ‘temperature’ of the negotiation and adjust your mental thermostat and that of the other negotiator appropriately. Do so based on the direction you’d like your ‘if’ query to take you… and everything will be right with the world.

The Negotiation Tips Are…

• Before using ‘if’, consider the motivational source of the other negotiator. Then, apply your ‘if’ proposition from the perspective that it moves him in the direction he perceives to be the most beneficial.

• Regardless of how you use ‘if’ in your negotiations, don’t use it to the point that it confuses the goal you seek. Remember, ‘If’ is another negotiation tool; like any tool, it should used when and where appropriate.

• Remember to also use the word ‘if’ when you want to transition from a point you don’t wish to address to one that’s more advantageous to your position.